Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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