Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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