East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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