1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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