The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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