pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
