I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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