Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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