It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize