he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My feet surprised me
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
