Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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