Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
