Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
