This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
