I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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