Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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