flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
