I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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