I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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