Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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