Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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