just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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