i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
