I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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