the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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