The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize