I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
