How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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