she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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