I accidentally had phone sex last night
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
