I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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