mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
