her vagine was all disorganized.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
