She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Your dad touched me again.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize