she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
