So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
