my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
