I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
People in love make me want to vomit
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize