We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
