Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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