I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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