But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
