Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
