I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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