apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
