do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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