The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
