needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
