I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
