Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
