i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
