between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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