I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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