he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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