this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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