Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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