Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
