At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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