not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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