woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
