Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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