2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
