i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
