i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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