I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
