pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
