he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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