You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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