she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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