I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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