do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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