Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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