I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize